What relationships reveal about us, what we learn about our worth, and what we become available for when we start choosing differently.
Introduction: The Lessons Hidden In Our Relationships
As a Libra Moon, this Libra season ripped the veil from over my eyes. It pulled the rug out from under me. It brought up many experiences from my childhood that were lodged in my subconscious but were still effecting me deeply. Things that have colored my world today and how they have manifested throughout all of the relationships in my life.
Relationships are a direct reflection of what you value. And what you believe to be true about you. What you believe you deserve. Our connections are experiences. Relationships are a direct reflection of our self-worth. You are what you eat and I am not just talking about food. I am talking about who you surround yourself with. Vibration and frequency are real. We attract not only people but experiences that match our frequency. And with that awareness, we have the ability to choose if we want to participate in that experience or not.
I have felt the immense joy and beauty of this Libra season. And while all of this loving energy is going on, I am also grieving. My family. Friendships. Past versions of myself. Even the versions of myself that I liked a lot but had to release to grow. Being dedicated to not only your personal development but your spiritual development is not for the weak. As a spiritualist, I used to equate spiritual awareness or gifts as the same as personal development and they are not. Shout out to my coach Brittany for teaching me this.
The Lessons of Libra Season: Relationships as Mirrors
When I think back to my childhood, I think about how I was emotionally deprived. My feelings were too much. I was told I was too sensitive. My parents didn't have the capacity for their own emotions, let alone mine. My parents were really strict and controlling. I knew how to read energy from a young age. I learned how to chameleon my way around to avoid confrontation and keep the peace while sacrificing my own needs.
As I got older, I started to attract the same type of friendships and romantic partners. I attracted people who I gave so freely to and they just took from me. I carried the weight of their wounds while disregarding my own. My wounds became deeply imbedded in my fascia with no where to go because I had no healthy coping mechanisms or tools to support me.
When I started to dive deeper into my spirituality, I realized that I had been pouring from an empty cup for a long time. I was burnt out, depleted, exhausted. I knew something had to change. I felt like an alien. I had no one around me that inspired me. No one I looked up to. I felt alone and misunderstood. I would try to share my feelings with the people in my life and they would project, try to attack me, or change the subject to avoid confrontation. And for a while I allowed it. I had relationships since I was a child or in high school that I felt like I had to keep. That because of history, conditioning, and societal expectations I needed to be loyal and to keep showing up although the relationships were severely unbalanced.
These connections started to make me ill. I couldn’t ignore it anymore. I started to learn discernment. That if I had tried with people and nothing changed, then I could just move on. I had an epiphany one day that I am the creator of my reality and I got to choose who I wanted in my life. That I was allowed to raise my standards and create boundaries that protected me. I began to realize that not every connection was meant to last forever. That I could appreciate the experiences with people that I had, respect the lessons and move forward. That I didn’t have to leave out of malice or ill will but out of love and respect for myself. I learned the true meaning of non-attachment.
Relationships: What Boundaries Have Taught Me
Your relationships, your money, the way you view love and beauty is a direct reflection of how you feel about yourself. Everything operates at a frequency. When I was vibrating low, I was attracting the shitty men, the shitty friendships, the over-eating, the over spending. My frequency is higher now and now I am attracting from a deep rooted love for myself.
Boundaries are not punishments. They are a way of honoring what you need. Boundaries have allowed me to create safety in my body and in my life that I had never felt before. I released people, place and things that no longer served me and I was able to take more time for myself without having the extra baggage around. I started what we call in yoga “Svadhyaya” which translates to “self-study” or "personal observance”. It simply means to study and learn yourself. I learned what I will no longer tolerate. I learned what made me feel good and what brought me peace. I learned that I demanded respect and reciprocity in my relationships and I would not settle for less.
You don’t have to make someone a villain to acknowledge that a relationship no longer feels right. You can care about people but know that you don’t want them in your life anymore. You don’t have to keep trying to explain yourself to people who are dedicated to misunderstanding. This is your life and you run this shit! Sometimes confusion and misalignment is a blessing. And sometimes a boundary isn’t about even ending a relationship, it’s changing how you participate in it. You set the boundary and the ones who are meant to stay will get with your program. They may not completely understand it but they value you enough to try. You can also release the expectation that every relationship must end with closure, agreement or mutual understanding.
Self-Worth: What I Am No Longer Willing To Compromise
Most of us were taught from a young age to play nice. To be the good girl or the good boy. To be helpful, accommodating and available while betraying our own needs and requirements. A lot of us were conditioned to cater to others, to question ourselves when something didn’t feel right. We were pressured to show “loyalty” to friends and family simply because they “are your mother or father”. We were taught to show up for others while we are hurting and dealing with our own pain. Some people like to lick their wounds in private and some like to trauma dump. I pick the latter.
You abandon yourself when your cup is empty and you continue to give. You honor yourself when your cup is full and the generosity you give comes from the overflow. So many people are in survival mode and they don’t even realize it. Many people are operating out of a fear of being alone. A fear of rejection. A fear that if they share their needs then they will be viewed as “too much”. Fuck that. No more overextending to avoid disappointing others. No more saying yes when you really mean no and carrying that resentment in your heart. No more confusing being needed with being valued.
Choosing yourself doesn't make you selfish or a bad person. It means that you have awareness. It means that you love yourself. It’s time to release the old identity of the martyr. That you have to suffer in relationships. That continuing toxic cycles means that’s how much you care. No more being the fixer. The peace maker. The go-to friend. The always available friend, daughter, sister, etc. No more being the person who tolerates discomfort to maintain connection. No more sneak dissing, passive aggressive comments, secret jealousy, competition or envy. I have developed a beautiful gift of “sight”. I can see right through people and their intentions and instead of ignoring my intuition, I trust in myself no matter what happens next.
What I Am Calling In: The Life And Relationships I Am Creating
The New Moon is for setting intentions. Planting new seeds. This new moon allowed me to realize what I really want from my relationships moving forward. That I have made a lot of progress but there is more work to do and I am looking forward to it. I have released old timelines to create space for the new and I am really fucking excited about it. I am calling in relationships that are rooted in mutual respect, honesty and genuine love. I am calling in relationships where I can be my highest self without someone trying to stomp out my light. I am calling in people who are not irritated by my joy. People who don’t take advantage of my heart, my kindness, my innocence.
Connections that allow for growth and changing identities. I am a Scorpio rising with an 8th house stelly. I am constantly dying and being reborn again. I need people who love that about me. People that don’t get intimated by my ability to grow and change. The freedom to evolve naturally without forcing myself into an old identity. Continuing to be the person who trusts herself to honor what she feels and needs.
Our emotions are an internal navigation system. As a manifestor in human design, my not-self theme is anger. I used to shame myself for my anger before I knew what human design was. Now I understand that my anger is alerting me that something in my environment is not right. That instead of trying to not be angry, I need to listen to what my anger is communicating to me. I feel peace when I am in alignment. And once I got a taste of true peace, there was no looking back. And that’s on self-trust and self-love baybeeeeee!
Closing Reflection: Journal Prompts for Self-Reflection
Where have I been prioritizing being a good friend or partner over being honest with myself?
What am I continuing to participate in because of who I’ve been, rather than who I am now?
Where am I giving from genuine desire, and where am I giving from guilt, obligation, or fear of disappointing someone?
What would change if I trusted that I don’t have to prove my worth through what I do for others?
What kinds of relationships feel aligned with the person I am becoming?
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